LETTERS FROM ONE SHELLFISH DIVA!

You with your voracious appetite for oysters and fair game.  Your seductive genius is giving me a bad reputation.  I know I’m oh so irissistible, but do you really need 50 a day?

That food scene in the tavern where you (Albert Finney) devoured everything (and I mean everything!) before you. Don’t blame me. Yes, I was part of that, but I’m not completely responsible for what happened that night.

Girl, you were only 14 when you married that crazy french king, Louis XVI, but it didn’t take you long to become the ‘naughtiest’ of your time. Sure you said “let ‘em eat cake” but we all know it was your oyster diet that fed your wild libido.

You legendary Greek goddess of love and passion, you. I love that you are born of the sea but, rising from the waters in an oyster shell??? Really?!!!

Damn you, V’Day. No other day in the entire year is more responsible for getting couples all riled up on the sexy benefits I bring to your night. Guys! That’s a lot of pressure to perform like that. 

Is it my fault that I’m the ultimate food of seduction?(I even over heard someone use the word ‘fetish’ the other day, when referring to me.) Is it my oozy, slurpy, good looks that tempts everyone? My briny, slippery texture? Is it how I taste that entices beyond sensual pleasure? Maybe it’s my table side mannerand the (dare I say it?!?) sexy way I am devoured?

It doesn’t matter if I’m a large plumpy Spinney creek oyster from Maine,  or  a  fresh, crisp, sparkling  BLUE POINT, a full meaty New York treasure PINE ISLAND oyster, a zesty, savory FISHER ISLAND oyster or a fruity, sweet, briny "Kumi"-  KUMAMOTO  from Oregon. If you serve me here at OCEANOS’ then inevitably a raw me is a ‘sexy’ me. 

So i need you Pete and Niko to defend my reputation. From now on when guests ask you to describe me, don’t call me sexy. 

I prefer you tell them I’m...